The Less Consequential Events of the Marauders
by siri the marauder
Summary: Our legendary Marauders experience normal everyday life, just like the rest of us. Well... not exactly. Sirius' POV.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Why do we even write these things? *ahem* Characters, settings, etc. (c) of J.K. Rowling. Obviously.

This is my first, but don't let that deter you. :)

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Just another day in Herbology, I didn't look forward to the study of the proper growth of a terradactyl, a sturdy plant slightly resembling a leafy bat. The young, although plump, Professor Sprout encouraged her students to get along with their projects, at which we easily complied.

"Hey mate," James nudged me in the arm. "That Abbot girl is looking at you again."

I gave the small blond Hufflepuff, a fellow sixth year, a sidelong glance. She certainly was cute, something I had noted before in the past couple weeks or so that she started taking interest in me. Her eyes were a startling stony blue, contrasting with her otherwise impish appearance. In short, she was my type of girl.

"Think she's done it long enough?" James murmured.

"Yeah, alright, I'm making my move," I declared. "While I'm gone, you might want to help Wormy," I added, nodding to Peter, whose terradactyl had taken a stubborn hold of his nose with its fangs.

"Okay mate, don't take too long," James said before I went off to stake my claim.

The Abbott girl caught sight of me approaching and immediately knocked her plant over. Seizing my golden opportunity, I met her on the floor as she bent down to retrieve the plant.

"You've been down here a lot lately, I've noticed."

She turned a furious scarlet. "I know, I can't seem to concentrate."

"I wonder why," I teased. She looked up, but only to gaze at my nose (not that I blame her, my nose is obviously quite gorgeous). I guided her chin with my finger until we made eye contact. "You're a pretty girl, you know. It's cute when you blush."

Her cheeks flushed as I fingered her robes. "You're sweet." She giggled. I knew I had her then.

"Black, Abbot, for Merlin's sake quit chatting each other up and plant your terradactyls!" Sprout shouted in exasperation.

"Sorry, Professor," we said in unison as we straightened up.

I began to walk back to my station, but I stopped and turned to the Abbott girl. "Hey, I didn't catch your name."

"Oh!" She seemed oddly startled. "It's Doreen, heh, Doreen Abbott."

I grinned, "Sirius Black." I couldn't help but notice some other girls eyeing me as I returned to James.

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The rest of the week in Herbology was spent secretly flirting from afar with Doreen. James was slightly irritated, as I paid less attention to our mischievous exploits and more to accumulating the girl's interest in me. By the time Friday's class was almost over, he yanked me to one side and demanded that I ask her out already. Naturally, I obliged, and met up with her as the students began filing out of the greenhouse, escorting her across the lawn.

"Hey, want to meet after classes? By Gregory the Barmy?"

"What?"

"Come on, it's a Friday, and I have a fantastic way to start your weekend."

"Oh, alright then," she agreed, somewhat apprehensive.

With that, I pecked her on the lips and strode off to class.

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Remus was the only one in the dormitory after classes, so I decided to play with his a bit before heading down to meet Doreen. I took off and tossed my robes on my bed, my tie not far behind. Admiring my manly physique in the full-length mirror, I turned to Remus and unbuttoned a single button at the top of my shirt.

"What do you think, Moony?" I asked. "Should I show some skin?"

Remus put down the book he was studying down on his lap, sighing, "What?"

"I said," I said, unbuttoning a second button. "D'ya think I ought to show a little something?" I unbuttoned two more and pulled my shirt down. "Perhaps a nipple?" I let him glance at my nipple before rolling his eyes and scoffing as he picked up his book.

"Get over yourself."

"Love you too, Moony," I replied before heading out the door.

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Within a few minutes, I found that I had walked myself to Gregory the Barmy's adjacent corridor. I peered around the corner to see an empty hall, wishing I had bothered to grab the Map. I leaned up against the wall for only a moment before Doreen came nearly skipping to where I was, her pace slowing once she caught sight of me. She gave a small wave before coming within a reasonable distance.

"Fancy meeting you here," I winked at her, making her giggle.

"Funny how that works out," She did some sort of prolonged girly shrug, clasping her hands together.

Leaning back against the wall, I held out a hand to her. Tentatively, she took it. I threaded my fingers through hers, piercing her eyes.

"Let's go," I said, teasing her suspense, quickly running from the direction I came from until I got to one of the hidden entrances to a secret passageway leading to Hogsmeade by a painting of a witch riding a giant flying banana. I casually half-waved to the lovely witch. She smiled rather admiringly and revealed the passageway for me. I ran down into the darkness with Doreen in tow and pulled out my wand, muttering "Lumos," as I looked around. Once I saw a shiny reflection, I whispered "Nox," and grabbed the handlebars of my prized motorcycle. I let the engine growl to life, the light flooding the passageway, and told Doreen to hop on. Her flabbergasted expression remained so even as she slipped on behind me and wound her hands around my waist.

"Hang on!" I yelled above the din, and I immediately took off, speeding along the underground passage until I noticed some bumps as we neared the entrance of the storm cellar near the Hog's Head. I pressed on, pulled up the bike, and broke right through the cellar doorway, barely registering Doreen's shriek of terror as we rose into the sky. While we gained altitude, her constricting grip relaxed a bit as she gasped in awe of the magnificent scene unfolding for her for the first time.

"Sirius," she barely whispered, tantalizingly so, into my ear. "Sirius, this is amazing."

I merely smiled to myself before I eased my motorcycle into a curving dip, barely skimming the tops of the trees of the Forbidden Forest.

"Where are we going?" She asked, being brought out of her hypnosis.

"You'll see," I teased. "Just hang tight."

I dropped steeply as we neared the lake, slowing down until I bumped down onto the bank. Doreen hopped off lightly and I parked my motorcycle before joining her at the lake's edge.

"This is just so…amazing," she started. "I haven't had any experience like it. My father never lets me fly."

"Are you kidding?" I nearly shouted incredulously. "Your father deprives you too much. And we're just getting started."

She looked at me with alarmed curiosity.

"Look out here," I said, putting my arm around her and pointing out to the vast body of water. "Do you see what I see?"

She seemed to study the lake's sparkling surface before answering. "Er, the lake?"

"Right…" I encouraged her and unbuttoned my shirt some. "And how can we put that to use?" Doreen became apprehensive as I pulled off my shirt, so I decided to help her along. "We swim in it, of course."

"Oh! Right." She stared in awe (rightfully so) as I kicked off my shoes. I smirked at her as I took off my trousers, leaving me only in my red boxer shorts.

"Come on, Doreen, you're embarrassing me," I winked and walked up to her. "Here, I'll help you."

I pulled off her robe and tossed it to one side. Taking the cue, she took off her tie before I helped her with the buttons on her blouse. Then, in unashamed earnestness, she pulled her blouse over her head, and as soon as her lips came back into view, I planted mine on them and warmly encircled her waist with my arms. In her shock, she shot back a bit, but just as suddenly filled with enthusiasm as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I let my hands slip down the curve of her bum, which she didn't seem to mind, so I pinched her.

"Sirius!" She squeaked in playful disapproval. I only smiled. She giggled despite herself as she folded her arms. A mischievous smile crept up on my face as her eyes widened until I bolted at her. Quickly, she responded by sprinting into the chilly water, somehow screaming in both horror and delight at the same time. I chased her (without trying too hard, I didn't want to catch her right away and ruin the fun) until I near tackled her when the water rose up to our knees.

"Fantastic, now my skirt and shoes are all wet!" I could tell she really wasn't all that disappointed.

"Well then," I said, mocking her tone, "I guess we'll have to take them off so they can dry!"

She made a face at me as she trudged out of the water to remove her squelching shoes and wring out her socks and skirt. I waited patiently for her to join me again, carefully not letting her catch me staring. Once she returned to my side, I briefly grasped her hand and suggested swimming out farther. She agreed as long as I didn't let her drown, and we swam in a leisurely fashion out onto the lake.

We didn't get far before I noticed her breathing heavily, so I stopped to just tread water. She immediately followed suit and I shifted over to peck her on the lips. She blushed.

"Have you ever taken a girl out here before?" She asked between breaths.

"No, you're the only one," which was mostly true. I had never ventured to this part of the lake with any of my former girlfriends. She heard what she wanted to hear either way.

"Do you always pick up random girls and make them fall in love with you as some sort of afternoon hobby?" Her inquiry seemed innocent enough to the untrained mind, although, I'm sure she was worried about all those rumors about me floating around. Yeah, I was the school stud, I couldn't help it.

"Of course not," I laughed. Again, I wasn't lying. I didn't always do it, and the girls were never random. I was much better and more methodical than that.

"Hey," she said. "Let's get back to shore. The giant squid still creeps me out, and I'm getting cold."

"Alright," I smiled inwardly and led her back to our spot on the bank. "I know a perfect way to warm you up."

Then well, you can guess what happened next.

Yep, I banged her.

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**Author's Note:** This first chapter is a little misleading, I'm not going to make Sirius out to be a total pervo throughout the story. I plan on making this more Marauder-y, at least more Sirius and Remus based. That is, if you want me to continue. :)


	2. Chapter 2

It was late by the time we got back. The castle was illuminated with candles when I escorted Doreen to her common room. We kissed goodbye and I went back to my dormitory, barely making the curfew. When I sauntered in, James was in bed staring at the ceiling. Peter crawled earnestly out of his sheets in greeting, and I noticed Remus was feigning sleep. I smirked and put a finger to my lips for Peter as I hopped over by Remus' bed and gave him a slick wet willy. He slapped my hand away, cursing me briskly before rolling away from me.

"Ay, leave Moons alone, Padfoot, he's had a long day," James said.

"If you say so," I replied, changing into my pajamas.

Peter sounded as if he was about to burst. "Where were you?"

"Out by the lake." I could see he wasn't satisfied. "With a girl."

Still not content, he prodded, "Who? What were you doing?"

I smiled to myself. "Her name's Doreen Abbott, a Hufflepuff our year… we screwed like a couple of imps."

Simultaneously (one of my favorite words, naturally) Remus snorted, Peter gasped in admiration, and James mildly chuckled.

"Already?" Peter pressed.

"Yeah, I was a bit surprised myself. But there's always an easy one. I'm not complaining." I sat lightly on the edge of Remus' bed. "But nobody will ever amount to my Moony!" With that, I enthusiastically spooned Remus, who violently whacked me and fought with his sheets to get away, crashing to the floor in a tangle.

"Damnit, Sirius!" Remus howled, finally breaking away from the trap of fabric. He seized his wand from his nightstand and pointed it straight between my eyes. His breath was labored, ragged, and it was only then that I noticed the red soreness of his wild, furious eyes and his tear-stained face. "Leave me alone, or I sweat I'll slit your throat!"

To be honest, I was stunned. Remus could be touchy, but his mild personality seemed to have evaporated completely. I never made him cry.

"Moony, I-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" He threw his wand back onto his nightstand, not caring that it ricocheted right onto the floor, and stormed out of the room.

"I told you," James said surprisingly levelheadedly.

Slightly embarrassed, I turned to my best mate. "What got him in a mood?"

"I said not to provoke him," James shook his head. "He wouldn't tell us, so I figured if he just got some sleep, it'd all be better. Leave it to you to screw things up."

That hit a nerve. Anything even alluding to my folly that nearly got Snivellus eaten always made me bitter.

"Shut up," I muttered and crawled into bed.

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The next morning, Remus still wasn't in bed. I figured that maybe I just missed him; he was an early riser. But only Peter was still in, which got me suspicious.

"C'mon, Wormtail, let's get some breakfast."

We ate relatively quietly, but soon Doreen came up behind me and kissed me on the cheek. She sat down and wove her arm around mine before looking up at Peter.

"You must be Peter Pettigrew," she said amiably, reaching across the table to shake his hand, even though he had to stand up and lean over to reach her. "I'm Doreen." She smiled a winning smile at him, and then turned back to me. (I must have given her some confidence, because she surely wouldn't have addressed Peter like that before yesterday afternoon.) She kissed me again with no shame. I didn't bother to kiss her back.

"You could at least say hello," she whined.

"Huh?" I looked over at her as if I just comprehended her presence.

She scowled and released me. "Well, I've got choir practice anyway." She stalked off.

"How can you let someone like her just slip away like that?" Peter frowned.

"Please, Wormtail," I absentmindedly rearranged some grapes and a banana to make a smiley face. I smiled back at it, but it didn't help any to lift my spirits. (This was very bad, as I usually used those same fruits to make a more sexual design and show off to my friends.) None of my friends could be upset for long without me catching their mood. Figuring that just sitting around was a waste of time, I headed to my Transfiguration class, where Remus would undoubtedly be doing his homework, free of any "distractions". Wormtail was not far behind. When I entered the room, I noticed Remus sitting all by his lonesome, poring over a book.

Madly charging at him, I demanded, "What's got your panties in a bunch?"

Confused, Remus looked up at me without a response.

"You're ruining my mood, dammit!" I yelled, slamming my hand on the book so he couldn't read. "I can't go all day in this state, do you have any idea the kinds of pranks we had planned today? And all the girls-"

"Is that all you think about?" Remus replied in a dangerously low voice. "Troublemaking, women, and how _you_ feel?"

"What?"

"I guess it is, because that's all you ever talk about."

"Hey, fuck you, Moony," I spat. "I suppose if you wanted me to talk about you and painting your nails all the time, you should have said so."

"Go wank off."

"Go get your ass pounded."

Before I knew that he had shot out of his chair, Remus smashed his fist into the side of my face. Admittedly, I was still in shock when he jumped on top of me and started bashing my face into the stone floor. When he grabbed my face and started hitting it into the ground, I swung back at him, clocking him in the ear. Rolling, I ended up on top of him, and we hit the shit out of each other until McGonagall walked in.

"Boys!" She shrieked in fury, casting us apart with her wand. "For the love of Merlin, what on earth do you think you're doing?"

We only glowered at nobody in particular.

"50 points from Gryffindor each, detention, and get yourselves up to the hospital wing!" She glared at us while she stepped up to the front of her classroom, and we trudged up to the hospital wing, not getting within 5 meters of each other.

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The next few days were spent just avoiding Remus, and for the second time in my entire life, I realized how much time I actually spent with my friends, as James just ended up sitting with Peter in all the classes we had together the following Monday, and how scorning any one of them basically ruined my social life. Setting up a trick step outside the Hufflepuff entrance seemed dull. Hexing random Slytherins and running off wasn't any fun. Assisting James in Defense Against the Dark Arts in teasing Lily Evans lost its appeal. By the end of school, I was missing that invigorating sense of mischief. I decided that if Remus wasn't going to let in, I'd be the bigger man (Or perhaps, the _only_ man, as obviously I would need to deal with him the way I would an angry girlfriend).

I referenced the Map after classes, tracking Remus for awhile before heading off after him in the library. Lamely, I wondered if books were his only friends besides the Marauders. Realizing that confronting him aggressively wouldn't accomplish anything except some broken noses, I assumed the role of diplomat upon catching a glimpse of Remus burying his face in a massive textbook. I violently threw myself into the chair opposing him, startling him and making him squeal a bit (pleasingly so, to my less gracious self). He scowled at the bag and, book marking his page, slammed the fat book with equal ferocity. I wasn't getting off to a great start.

"What's your deal?" I demanded. "I was acting no different than I normally do, and you get all up in a fuss."

Sighing in exasperation, Remus slumped slightly in his seat. Somehow, he aged in the last few days; a weary expression etched itself into his eyes. "I…" he began, apparently unsure of whether he should bother to continue. "I've been distressed lately because…"

"For the love of Merlin, Moony," I snapped impatiently. "Get on with it."

Remus merely frowned in response, trying to find the proper words. "…my mum's left."

"Er, left foot or something?"

"No, Padfoot, I mean she's packed up and left my dad." He faintly exaggerated an exhale. "My dad didn't want to say, but it appears that my mum came home one day from work and started packing. The few people at her job sworn to secrecy about my… condition finally got her in the end, I suppose… because see, they probably treated her like a plague. She said she couldn't handle the stress and paranoia anymore. Dad doesn't know where she went."

"Oh…" I scratched the back of my head, my face tingling out of discomfort. "I'm really sorry, Moony."

"It's alright," he replied automatically, although dejectedly. "I know I've been in this mood, I've just been thinking. You know, about how if I just annihilated myself, nobody would have to worry. My parents would certainly still be together."

"Don't be stupid," I scoffed, leaning back in my chair. "Didn't we already have this conversation when we found out? You're still a bloody fine chap. Forget that woman, she obviously doesn't know any better. Just because she's your mother doesn't make her a flaming saint or anything."

"But she's my _moth_-" Remus seemed to have remembered himself, or more so, who he was talking to, as I wasn't exactly on speaking terms with my own mother.

"Oh calm down, Moony." I smirked at him, teetering dangerously on my seat. "Besides, if you really offed yourself, they probably would have broken up a lot sooner. Parents tend to start blaming themselves when their kids die, and they divorce. I've seen it."

"I suppose you're right…" he conceded.

"Quit being so dense," I commanded, agilely slipping out of my chair before it thudded back to its resting place, "I'm always bloody right. Come on, the day's young, and the full moon is coming up soon. Prongs and Wormtail will want to plan our evening's adventure."

I motioned for him to follow as I grabbed my bag and headed out of the library, noticing him grabbing his oversized volume, with a mildly eager expression on his face.

While venturing up to the Gryffindor tower, we ran into Doreen, with a sour look on her face that I thought looked rather repulsive. However, upon seeing the lack of conflict between Moony and me, her expression morphed into confusion, which I thought was better.

"I thought you two were fighting."

"How would you get such a notion?" Remus asked pleasantly.

"Pft, as if it wasn't obvious," she flipped some hair back over her shoulder.

"Well, whatever you may have heard," I said. "Is completely false and you ought to check your sources."

"Mhm," she murmured, raising a brow. "And I suppose you two are all happy dandy?"

"Naturally," I smiled, and embraced her to kiss her soundly. It worked, and she was much more agreeable after we broke apart.

"Well…since you are in a good mood now, can we go somewhere?" She clasped her hands together hopefully.

"Actually," I said, "My mates have some work to do, but you can bet on it later." Pecking her on the lips one last time, I headed up the stairs with Remus in tow.

Arriving at the Fat Lady, Remus stated, "Linkweed," and we headed inside to the common room, seeing that James was playing chess with a fellow Gryffindor with Peter leaning over his shoulder. Upon our entrance, Peter looked over and gleefully greeted us. He whispered to James, who subsequently moved a chess piece and declared a checkmate. Thanking his opponent, James stood up and walked over to Remus and me, Peter not far behind.

"Got everything patched up, now?" He grinned.

"Naturally," I returned the look, seeing Remus smile to himself at our weak inside joke.

"Well," James began. "Your row ruined most of the day's opportunities, but we can still salvage some time tonight to give a few Slytherins a morning gift."

"I like the way you think," I said, giving him a thumbs up before Moony spoke.

"Do we really have to right now? I'm a bit tired."

"Come on, Moony," I pleaded. "It will release some tension."

Skeptically, Remus met everyone's gaze before shrugging. "Alright, fine, just this once."

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The Marauders didn't end up going to bed until 2:00 AM, although Remus dozed off a few times while we set up the "gift". As we all crawled into bed, Peter asked, "Hey, Moony, why _were_ you so mopey?"

Pausing a bit, Remus considered the question. "My mum ran off because she couldn't "take it anymore", basically. But don't worry about it, Padfoot fixed it. At least, how I felt about it."

"Aww, how sweet," James teased. I threw my pillow at him.

"Gee, Prongs, you're really one to talk," Remus said. "'Oh, Lily gave a new look today! Merlin, I'm so in love with her.'" James shot my pillow at Remus, hitting him square in the face, muffling him mid-laugh.

"Stop it, Moony," I said. "He's sensitive."

Scoffing, James called me, "Hey, hey, Padfoot."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

We all laughed a while afterwards, and eventually we settled into our respective beds.

"Goodnight, Moony, Padfoot, Prongs," Peter said before drifting off.

It wasn't long before we followed suit.


End file.
